bright as yellow

It's about the Practice, not Perfection

2012-01-03T10:40:00.004-06:00

Today was supposed to be the first day of following my new schedule. I didn't hear Jay's alarm. I didn't hear him showering. I seriously overslept. It was too late to make it to the office as I'd promised myself, and I immediately felt like a failure.

My former boss Jean MacInnis worked in the public school system for over 30 years. "Progress, not perfection" was her mantra. Focusing on simple changes and celebrating small improvements were secrets to her long and successful career. She had a fantastic ability to overlook temporary imperfections and focus on big-picture outcomes.

On a similar note, I read a great story about the Dali Lama today, via Austin artist (and life coach!) Andrew Long:

The Dalai Lama was speaking at a university in upstate New York. During the question and answer section, an audience member chastised himself for getting distracted during meditation. “I have so much mind chatter when try to meditate, I can’t do it right.”

In his unique style of humor and wisdom, His Holiness expressed how appropriate the question was that particular day, because just that morning, during his sitting, he noticed how his thoughts were a distraction. He explained he was sitting in the dark, at 5 am, like he has practiced since a little boy, breathing and meditating. Then, out of nowhere, he started thinking about how much traffic was going to be on the highway that day, and that perhaps he should have the car service come 15-20 minutes earlier. After sharing this, he looked out over the 30,000 people in the stadium, smiled, and said, “And I’m His Holiness, the Dalai Lama!” His belly laugh rippled out over the crowd as they roared in laughter too. Then, this self-professed simple monk responded with the key takeaway here: “I just noticed it, and let it fall away. I returned to my breathing, my meditation. That is the practice. So I suggest to you, simply return to your practice.”

I am an admitted perfectionist. I can get incredibly bogged down in details and beat myself up for even the smallest mistakes. Things that could be done well enough in an hour (like writing a blog!) end up taking 3 or 4 because I obsess over every little detail. It's a tedious process with numerous potential pitfalls, i.e. staying up all night to get it just right, being late because I have to fix this one thing, or generally driving my husband crazy. That said, the results are usually glorious. But is the four hour version really that much better than the 1 hour version? Do other folks even notice the subtle differences? I doubt it.

There is a darker downside to life as a perfectionist. I sometimes end up putting off or altogether avoiding things I really want/need to do because I fear that I won't do it exactly right. (Like right now -- it's killing me to not go back and edit that last sentence!) In my conscious mind I tell myself that it will be okay, but subconsciously the fear can be paralyzing. Fear of getting it wrong keeps me from even attempting to get it right. In the process of doing something, recovering from mistakes can be equally tough. Take this morning for instance -- instead of getting going right away, I laid in bed for half an hour beating myself up for oversleeping. For years I've told myself that I have to be perfect in every way, all the time. (Which I then rebel against, as discussed in my last post.)

I'm tired of living this way. It's not sustainable, and more importantly, it's not fun. Focusing on perfection is limiting and punishing, focusing on practice leads to growth and expansion.

So hear me now, World: I AM GLORIOUSLY IMPERFECT. Starting today, I am celebrating my failures. I am cutting myself some slack. I will probably screw up those things too, and that's okay. When I fail, I will gently remind myself that it's about the practice, not perfection.

I am returning to the practice.

After all, nobody's perfect. Even His Holiness, the Dali Lama thinks about traffic during his morning meditation!

little things

2011-12-27T09:49:00.004-06:00

Since my 35th birthday a few weeks ago, I've been reflecting on stuff. The stuff of my life. The important stuff. With all this thinking, I've noticed a pattern.

The little things are our lives.

This idea has been tapping at me for a while. For most of my adult life, I've been focused on the big things. College graduation, first job, grad school, buying a house, marriage, milestone birthdays...the punctuation marks of life. As soon as (or even before) I complete one, my mind is already planning for the next. I've spent the better part of the last 17 years in this state of perpetual accomplishment. (For the record, Cory noticed this personality trait in me and gave me plenty of grief about it. Though he was right, I suppose I discounted his insight at the time because of his own life choices.)

Yes, I've accomplished a lot. And I'm proud of those things. I've lived an incredible and happy life in my short 35 years. But if someone asked me to explain why, the things that stand out in my memory are not the big things. It's small moments that probably seemed insignificant at the time. Things from my childhood like decorating gingerbread houses with Nana, sitting at the kitchen counter watching Grandmother make fettucini, racing for Lenox china with Mom at the after-Christmas sale, or helping Dad move the orchids into the patio every winter. Things in high school and college like spending countless hours with friends doing shows with Beaumont Community Players, making Longhorn Singers show posters with David until the wee hours, or living with Jen at Town Park Trail. Things in recent years like weekend breakfasts with Christy & Emerson, wine-induced laughter with Amanda & Jason, and last-minute road trips with Jay.

Yep. That's the stuff.

I'm smack in the middle of a career change right now, reinventing myself as a Realtor after ten years in education. I've been putting a stupid amount of pressure on myself to be instantly successful. It's been stressful.

When I started this transition, I told my coach that I was going to do it differently than other folks. While teaching, my job came first, leaving very little time for anything (or anyone) else. I was determined to create a more sustainable lifestyle this time. I was going to ease in, and allow my new business to build gradually and unfold organically. That's what I said.

That is not exactly what I did. Instead of creating and following an easy, balanced schedule, I fell right into my old teacher routine. I worked too hard for a while, then reacted by doing nothing for a day or two, feeling guilty and thinking about what I could/should be accomplishing most of the time. The bad habits I thought were teacher behaviors turned out to be ME behaviors. Over the past three months I've learned a ton and made some new connections, but I haven't exactly created something sustainable.

Which brings me back to the little things. I attended a fantastic business planning workshop last month in which the facilitator, Sharon Downer, offered us her simple plan for dramatic results in your business:

Call 3 - 5 people per day
Send 5 personal notes per day
Take someone out for coffee/breakfast/whatever 2 times per week

According to Sharon, doing this four days a week for three weeks a month is all it takes. "If you do that, you've done your job," she says. The little things really add up, and her success is the proof.

As if all that weren't enough, my horoscope this week offered cosmic confirmation:

The Environmental Working Group wrote the Meat Eater's Guide to Climate Change and Health. It concluded that if every American avoided eating cheese and meat one day a week, emissions would be lowered as much as they would be by removing 7.6 million cars from the roads. This is the kind of incremental shift I urge you to specialize in during 2012, Sagittarius -- whether it's in your contribution to alleviating the environmental crisis or your approach to dealing with more personal problems. Commit yourself to making little changes that will add up to major improvements over the long haul.

So instead of drafting lofty resolutions, in 2012 I'm in for incremental shifts. I am committed to making little changes that will add up to major improvements over the long haul. I will create an easy, liveable schedule and follow it. I will apply Sharon's Simple Plan. I'll eat a little better and move a little more. I'll play the piano a little more. I'll spend a little more time with my favorite folks. Maybe I'll even blog a little more.

It's the little things.

29 Gifts - Days 24 thru 28

2011-06-28T23:28:00.002-05:00

Day 24 - Today was the big day...the day to give away something you think you can't live without, which for me was my Nikon. The hardest parts were all the steps leading up to the gift. Since I was giving it to a student, I had to call and speak with her parents. I was a nervous wreck! Despite my practice phone call with Sue, I could hardly form a sentence when I got her stepmom on the phone. I was equally nervous when I called to offer the camera to Ashley. When I told her I wanted to give it to her, she asked "How much?" It took some convincing for her to understand that I wanted it to be a true gift, no expectations or strings attached. Yes, the setup was definitely the hardest part. By the time she came to pick up the camera, I was excited about it. I admit, though I knew weeks ago that this was the one thing I thought I couldn't live without and that giving it Ashley was the exact right thing to do, it took quite some time for me to finally go through with it. It was hard to work up the courage and to trust that my needs would be taken care of in the end. But the giving itself was exciting. I felt honored to give my camera to Ashley. She has such a gift of artistic vision, but what good is talent without access to the tools? I feel lucky to be the person to give her such a gift. I know she is going to make magic and change lives with that camera.

Day 25 - Earlier during the day I'd noticed a thread on my friend Sandy K's facebook feed about a rubber chicken handbag. I love chickens and have been eagerly following her chicken-raising escapades, so of course I read all the comments. It was obvious she loved the bag, but mentioned that a rubber chicken wasn't exactly in the budget right now. I knew immediately that I wanted to give it to her! I thought it would be a great surprise if it magically showed up in the mail, so I tried looking around for her address. No such luck. I finally emailed her, and told her about the gifting ritual. She graciously accepted my gift, and I ordered it right away. We were *both* so excited!

Day 26 - On Sunday Jay and I worked around the house. We cleaned out the garage in the morning, and took some things to Goodwill in the afternoon. Being another 100+ degree day, the guys working the donation line were sweating like crazy. After we dropped off our stuff, we ran across the street to Sonic and bought 2 large cherry limeades, which we promptly delivered to the Goodwill guys. They were very surprised and appreciative!

Day 27 - My intended gift on Monday was a painting for Lacey. Though we'd bought it two months ago, we were lazy and never mailed it. I made a point of packaging it up and addressing it on Sunday, and mailed it on Monday. But I think my unplanned gift was actually the better one... I'd gone down to make my breakfast while Jay was in the shower. I was having leftovers from Magnolia, which included one piece of bacon. I took extra care to reheat the bacon in the toaster over, making sure it got nice and crispy. It smelled *delicious*. When I took it out of the oven, all warm and crispy, resting in the little foil boat I'd made...I knew it would make Jay happy. So instead of eating it myself, I left it waiting in the center of the island as a surprise for him. When he got out of the shower he said, "Do I smell BACON?" You sure do. :)

Day 28 - I didn't have a planned gift today, rather I waited to see what fun opportunities came my way. Girls Girls Girls are fundraising right now for travel to an improv festival in New York, and several times throughout the month I've wanted to donate. But I've usually changed my mind for one reason or another, and often because I didn't have the gift amount I wanted to give. Then out of the blue yesterday, we got a check in the mail for $500 from the mortgage company for overpayment of escrow funds! Jay told me he wanted me to use this money to buy new clothes and makeup for our upcoming Vegas trip. (I've been needing to buy both for some time now, but have put it off for financial reasons.) After paying some unexpected bills, the $500 was already down to three...but I still decided to give $250 to GGG. It just felt like the right thing to do.

I can't believe that tomorrow is Day 29 already.

29 Gifts - Day 23

2011-06-24T01:34:00.002-05:00

Today I brought homemade cupcakes to real estate class. The class was super excited and super appreciative, especially our instructor Jettie. Oh, and the cupcakes were delicious...chocolate cake, filled with chocolate swiss meringue buttercream, dipped in chocolate-raspberry ganache, topped with cream cheese frosting and a raspberry! The best part was that I was so tired when it was time to make them, but they came together easily when I discovered 3 kinds of leftover frosting in the fridge!

29 Gifts - Days 15 thru 22

2011-06-22T23:42:00.003-05:00

While I haven't exactly been diligent about recording my experiences daily, I have been very much so about the giving. I've also been doing a fair amount of verbal processing with friends, which has to count for something! Let's see if I can remember all my gifts of the past week...

Day 15 - I summoned the courage to finally give the flowers to Maggie and Roz! I don't know what came over me. I was packing up to go over to Jennifer's house, and right before I left I grabbed the first vase and headed over to Maggie's. I rang the doorbell twice, but no one came (even though I could hear her in the kitchen), giving me ample time to run away...which I really wanted to do! Finally, I knocked. (I would later find out that her doorbell had broken earlier that day.) When she came to the door and saw the huge bouquet of lilies, her eyes lit up. We visited for a moment and had a few laughs, like we always do. I ran back over to the house, grabbed the second vase, and proceeded to ring Roz's doorbell. She answered, was equally delighted, invited me in... After a 15 minute visit with the whole family, I headed back home feeling very good. I also felt relieved. And proud. Still, I'm having such a hard time with gifts for acquaintances. I don't know why, but I'm finding it takes quite a bit of courage. The good news is that it's been worth it every time so far!

Day 16 - I spent the morning making my gift for Friday, and got wrapped up in Jay coming home early in the afternoon. I hadn't really planned a gift for that day, but I knew I'd be seeing Kelly B. later that night and wanted to include her in my giving. Since she's been very concerned about a lack of cupcakes next year in my absence, I decided to give her an emergency cupcake coupon. It was a little hand scribbled note, but she loved it! I also went out of my way to say something nice to our boot camp teacher, Bianca, after class.

Day 17 - After being excited about it and planning for it and working on it all week, I finally got to give my homemade cake to Abigail! She had asked to pay me to make a small anniversary cake for her and Mark, but I told her about the gifting ritual and asked if she'd allow me the honor of giving them the cake. When she came to pick it up, we both got teary eyed. Jay said it was pretty awesome to watch. It was my first time to make a two-tiered cake, square no less, and it was adorable. With my love of tiny cakes, I wanted to make it as perfect for them as I possibly could. That night Jay and I went to help Sue work on her new apartment a little bit.

Day 18 - Jay and I love Yanagi and eat sushi there every weekend. We're always generous tippers with the waitstaff, but this time I decided to show our appreciation to the chefs. I wrote a thank you card and included $30 with a note about buying them a round of drinks.

Day 19 - On Sunday, Jay and I went to the last day of the Four Hands warehouse sale. The giant art pieces were buy one, get one free. Christy has always admired the pieces I have around the house, so I bought one and gave her my free one! I arranged everything with the sales gal and Christy was able to go pick out exactly what she wanted. Afterward she came by the house to show me her treasures. She really loved the rose picture I'd bought. To be honest, I had a bit of regret for not sending her a picture of the other one and asking if she wanted it. Hindsight, I guess. I really love it, but it's kind of tearing me up thinking about how much she loved it too.

Day 20 - I started my second real estate class, and was super tired when I got home. I wandered around the garden a bit to decompress, and picked the few ripe tomatoes before the bluejays stole them all. There were three others in the kitchen that Jay and I had planned to use for BLTs, but I knew they wouldn't make it that long. Since Roz had made several comments about sharing our crop, I packed up all the tomatoes (which only filled about half of a small ziplock, thanks to the evil bluejays) and delivered them next door. Ray answered, but we got a nice note of thanks from Roz the next day. I also gave mom some peace of mind by determining which week I could come work on the photos with her, and getting on her calendar!

Day 21 - After bootcamp Sue and I have been going to Daily Juice and Thundercloud. We were the only customers, and I decided to pay and extra $10 to pay ahead for the next customer and surprise them. The adorable cashier gal really liked this. I fully assumed we'd be gone before it actually went down, so you can imagine my panic when an older lady walked up while we were still waiting. The cashier told her it was free because I'd already paid for her, which confused the poor lady to no end. When she finally got it, she was like, "Oh! I'll have to pay it forward then!" She then proceeded to chat with us about our days. Anonymous giving and giving to people I'm close to are very easy for me, and I'm generous in those areas. But giving in person to a stranger was very uncomfortable! I don't know why it causes me so much anxiety...maybe because it's personal? Or perhaps because you never know how someone is going to react? Oh, and a really nice guy in my real estate class loaned me a highlighter without my even asking! (And I desperately needed one.)

Day 22 - I had another opportunity to practice that whole giving in person to a total stranger thing. I was at HEB and knew it was my last opportunity to give for the day, but I had no idea what or to whom. After a good ten minutes of hemming and hawing in the flower section, I had a bouquet in my basket and planned to give it someone in the store, after paying for it of course! I was totally overwhelmed by the logistics of it all though. Who should I give them to? How will I know? Do I wait until after the checkout? I was tortured. Early in my shopping I saw a tiny Indian woman who was very very very pregnant trying to wrangle both her groceries and a toddler. I thought to myself that she clearly deserved flowers, but blew it off thinking there was no way I'd be able to find her again by the time I'd finished and checked out. But wouldn't you know it, as I was going out the exit doors I ran smack into her! Her kid was trying to make an escape and I could tell she'd just had enough. I felt a lot like a junior high boy asking a girl to dance, and probably acted like one too as I pushed the flowers awkwardly towards her saying, "These are for you. I saw you earlier and you were so cute I thought you needed flowers." She was confused, mostly because her toddler was off the rails. Her two thank yous overlapped my rant about how strange it must seem, and I got out of there as fast as I possibly could. But as I was leaving I overheard another woman say to her, "That was so sweet, I'm almost crying!" I can only imagine they exchanged a look after I ran off. I was really glad I got to overhear that. It kinda made my day. :)

The gifting has been unfolding organically, though I confess I'm torn up about the "give away something you think you can't live without." I only have a week left, and despite two ideas, I haven't committed to anything yet. One idea is killing me, and the other seems like it might not be enough. We'll see.

I've definitely been on the receiving end a bit this week, though! Jessica brought me emergency lemon bars, I got to watch the taped Tony Awards with Jen, and Jay and I have had amazing luck budgeting and planning for our Vegas trip. We're even getting a free $200 meal at OLiVES three years after it was originally offered! As for discoveries, I never imagined this would be related to my new career in real estate. I feel like the part about interacting with strangers is really preparing me for the idea of talking to anyone and building relationships with potential clients. But most importantly, time and time again I've been reminded of the fact that everything we need will be given to us exactly when we need it, right down to a highlighter or someone to give that bouquet of flowers.

29 Gifts - Day 14

2011-06-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

Today was a strange day. I had an idea to give the leftover wedding lilies to my lovely neighbors Maggie and Roz, and got the flowers all prepped in vases and ready to go. That's when the strangeness started...despite several moments of good intentions, I never brought them over. I watched out the window for times they were home, and avoided doing it all day long. It felt strange for some reason, too personal perhaps. They're such lovely ladies and I really want to do something for them during my 29 days. They're always doing nice things for Jay and I. But yesterday just wasn't it.

Instead, I gave a few small gifts. I sent a message to Kara out of the blue on Facebook congratulating her on her new baby (who appears to be several months old now, but since we're no longer friends there I didn't know) and wishing her well. I helped Sue make the second round of birthday cupcakes, despite being very tired after bootcamp. I also bought her dinner. I made conversation with a stranger at the juice bar. And lastly, I went with Sue to Wal-Mart at 11pm to get a cupcake carrier!

There were no insightful, amazing gifts today, but I do feel like I kept up the spirit of giving.

Not sure what I'll be giving tomorrow, but I'm very excited about a gift I have planned for later in the week. :)

29 Gifts - Days 8 thru 13

2011-06-13T23:43:00.003-05:00

Day 8 - On Wednesday I had lunch plans with Emily. I decided to bring her some of the PB, Honey & Banana cupcakes I'd made the night before. As I was walking out the door to head to her house, I saw something fun out of the corner of my eye. A package of warm fuzzies...the legit kind with sticky feet and googly eyes and tiny little antennae. They're super adorable and very hard to find. People LOVE them. As much as I secretly wanted to stash them away in my craft closet, I knew instantly they would be well-used by Em. I grabbed the bag and gave them to her along with the cupcakes.

Day 9 - On Thursday I gave Megan a pre-wedding gift of six packages of her favorite gum. (Extra Key Lime Pie, if you must know.) This might seem like a trivial gift, but she had mentioned being sad the week before because they are discontinuing the flavor. She was thrilled! And once again, I think the real gift here was that of time. Though I had tons of wedding prep still to do, I spent the afternoon with Megan and her mom enjoying pedicures and margaritas. Megan has very few girlfriends, so I think having someone to do girly things with before the wedding was much appreciated.

Day 10 - On Friday Jay came home after one of our longer "weeks" apart. (12 days!) I knew I wanted to include him in my 29 days of giving, so I thought long and hard about what he would really appreciate. And thus I gave him a BJ...which he greatly appreciated!

Day 11 - On Saturday I gave Megan & Pete a wedding! In all seriousness, there was so much giving on this day, I can't even begin to list it all. What I can say is that my heart was full of generosity and grace. It was quite a change from some of the begruding feelings I'd had earlier in the wedding planning process. I was so excited to give the couple and their families a wonderful, memorable, and carefree day. I felt quite honored to be part of it all, and humbled as well. I don't totally understand why, but at the end of the day I felt a deep sense of gratitude for being able to host the wedding.

Day 12 - In our attempts to recover from wedding exhaustion, Jay and I went out for our favorite taco breakfast at Maudie's. We had an excellent waiter who quietly attended to our every whim and anticipated our needs in an unassuming way. Our salsa bowl was never empty! I thanked him with a very large tip. Later in the day, I had one of those amazing moments. Jay and I have been trying very hard to start living on a budget, and more within our means. Though we'd made a grocery list earlier in the day, we realized that we were more or less out of cash until payday, which was three days away. We hadn't decided how to handle it. We didn't want to charge it, but not eating was also unrealistic. Later that afternoon while opening two weeks worth of mail, we came across a refund check from my fake heart attack (hello stress!) visit to the emergency room for $72 and some change. Jay deposited the check and headed off to buy the things on our grocery list...which unbelievably came out to $73. It was amazing confirmation that generosity comes back around, and our needs will always be met.

Day 13 - Though my bank account was drained, I found a small amount of cash in my purse and decided to have a post-bollywood dinner with Sue and Jessica. Near the end of dinner, I realized that it was 9pm and I still hadn't officially given anything today. (I gave Megan my soap holder, but I didn't feel like that was it exactly.) Throughout the meal, I'd noticed a man sitting alone near our table. As I sat there trying to figure out what I could do, I remembered something Jessica had told me about. Sometimes her dad likes to secretly pay the tab for someone dining in a restaurant! She has been with him when he's done it a few times, has done it a few times herself, and has even had it done to her once. I was immediately excited about doing this for the guy sitting alone. I was also nervous about how to do it exactly. I didn't want to talk to the waitress about it, because the guy was in earshot and I wanted it to be a surprise. Luckily I had some cash, so I finally decided to leave $20 and a note for the waitress explaining what I wanted to do. As soon as I finished the note, all three of us sauntered out singing along to the 80's muzak station. It was so fun! I don't know what happened after that, but Sue said she saw the waitress reading the note. Apparently she smiled really big, then called another guy over to read the note as well. He smiled too. A girl could get used to all this smiling!

To close, I guess it's also worth mentioning that the whole "give away one thing you think you can't live without" thing has been on my mind quite a bit. At first, I honestly really couldn't think of anything. Even down to my car, I honestly felt I could live without most of my possessions. Over the weekend though, I had an epiphany. I thought of something and someone...and it scared me. Kinda made me sick to my stomach, which probably means it's the right choice. Of course, I'm still a wreck about it, and thus I'm not even remotely ready to say it out loud here or to anyone other than Jay. (Jay, by the way, fully supports the idea. He's such an incredible man.) I'm sure I'll eventually gather up the courage to do the deed. Until then, we'll all be equally tortured!

29 Gifts - Day 7

2011-06-08T00:00:00.003-05:00

Today was the most fun gift so far. It was unplanned...I'd been home alone most of the day working in the yard, and aside from running a few errands I didn't really venture out until bootcamp with Sue. Afterwards I realized I hadn't given my gift for the day and it was already 7:30. We were planning to make cupcakes after dinner, so Sue suggested I send some to the folks at school as my gift. It was kind of cheating, but I figured it was better than nothing.

We went to Thundercloud to grab sandwiches for dinner and had a fun chat with our sandwich artist. He had the most adorable moustache and his t-shirt said "There are baby chinchillas all over the place!" Swoon... He was super nice and made us feel like royalty, over something as simple as an Austin Club on wheat. At some point he asked what we what we had planned for the evening and the cupcakes came up. He mentioned that our flavor combo sounded great, and a friend had recently made some just like them.

Then it hit me! We should give him some of our cupcakes! Sue was totally on board, of course, and the evening shenanigans began. As we were frantically trying to finish up and get there by closing time, Jessica showed up to debrief her date. She agreed to drive us over to the shop.

We pulled up to the shop and decided that Sue should make the actual delivery, as Mr. Adorable Sandwich Guy had been giving her the eye earlier.

There are simply no words to describe what happened next. It was the most unexpectedly joyful moment I've ever witnessed. Sandwich Guy was shocked and delighted. His face was like a kid in a candy shop. Sue was grinning and laughing a little. They hugged. And Jessica and I were as giddy as school girls as we watched from the car.

It was magical.

29 Gifts - Days 3 thru 6

2011-06-07T00:32:00.002-05:00

Summer conjures up images of cocktails by the pool and hammocks swinging gently in the breeze, but things have been a bit busier around here in reality. Fun busy, but busy nonetheless. Jessica celebrated a birthday, Sue is moving next week, Megan's wedding is Saturday (in our backyard!), and there have been plenty of friends to catch up with.

The nice thing is that with some many goings-on and so many people around, I've had plenty of opportunities to give. There were days I could have "counted" something I has already planned to do (helping pack, running birthday errands, etc.), but I wanted to challenge myself to choose a unique opportunity to give each day. Here's what I came up with:

Day 3 - This was a busy day, and by 6pm I still hadn't found my unique opportunity to give something. Then Jessica called. She'd been out all afternoon celebrating her birthday with friends, but didn't have plans for the evening. Though I was tired from packing all day, I knew instantly that this was a needed gift. I found a dinner spot for us and we had a perfect evening. It's amazing how excellent company can re-energize you. This was a welcome reminder after becoming a personal time hoarder during my teaching career.

Day 4 - A friend of Jessica's injured her elbow and had to go to the emergency care joint during the day, so knowing she'd be at the party later I grabbed some flowers for her when picking up Jessica's birthday cake. They ended up living at Jessica's (I think she was too zonked on pain meds to think about flowers), but I'm okay with that! I was glad to have gotten in my gifting for the day.

Day 5 - Had breakfast at IHOP and left a gigantic cash tip for the waitress. I wish I could do that for every breakfast server! Anyone willing to get up early to cook and serve for those of us too lazy to make our own breakfast (or even put on a bra some days) deserves fat piles of cash.

Day 6 - Met Jen and the baby for lunch and picked up the tab. I hadn't planned to do so, but it felt right in the moment. Another great time with a great friend. Saving my original idea for later in the process, because it was a fun one!

It's been an interesting process so far. In many ways, I'm finding it challenging because I already give so much to those around me. But it's forcing me to get creative, and I love that. By coming up with gifts outside of my normal giving scope, I'm seeing new opportunities to give to people outside my immediate circle, and even to total strangers.

Also, I've definitely noticed I'm also on the receiving end of things. At brunch on Sunday, Jessica gave me half of her awesomely extra crispy hash browns without my even asking! And if you know my deep love of extra crispy hash browns, you know what a fantastic gift it was. :)

29 Gifts - Day 2

2011-06-03T01:19:00.003-05:00

Not much time to post...I need to get some sleep before helping with the move tomorrow. But I did want to post a quick update about my day two gift! Sue talked me into buying a Groupon for some wretched fitness bootcamp, so I bought her a fancy new water bottle for our first day. As the evening unfolded, she asked me to ride along to Lockhart to pick up a borrowed truck for tomorrow. On the way there, we listened to "Monster" by Jay-Z and Niki Minaj and imagined ourselves conquering bootcamp in slow motion, a la Office Space. We laughed hysterically over breakfast-for-dinner at the Huddle House. On the way home, we told stories about junior high heartaches and analyzed our grown-up attempts to self-actualize. A mundane event became a memorable one. Looking back at the day, I think the gift of time and friendship far outweighed the water bottle...even if it was one of those fancy new insulated Camelbaks. :)

29 gifts - Day 1

2011-06-01T23:47:00.003-05:00

Over the weekend I started to panic. The anxiety of freedom set in, and I found myself searching for something to focus on. Something other than the upcoming recreation of my career. Something a little less daunting, perhaps.

And suddenly last night a little book landed in my lap -- 29 Gifts.

I read enough to know the basic principals. It's a 29 day ritual from African roots, based on the idea that by giving we are able to focus on the needs of others instead of our own, and that by giving we open the door to receiving. I've applied this concept many times throughout my life, but never with such an awareness or commitment to a time frame. I decided to start right away.

One of the guidelines is that you journal about your giving and the responses invoked, those of others or your own. So here I am, doing just that. Today I left a cash tip and a heartfelt thank you note for the ladies who clean my house. I was excited to leave it, but didn't feel much after that. I did notice as the day went on, however, that I found myself redirecting grumpy thoughts and focusing on how I could be of service to others.

It's so easy to get caught in the "me, me, me" cycle. I'm really excited about the next 29 days, and the opportunity to focus some of my energy every day on improving the life of another person, even if just for a moment.

the first day of June

2011-06-01T23:16:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day of June. A close friend and I have deemed June as "the month." The month where we move and shake and shimmy. The month where we sweat and pant and breathe deeply. The month where we go out on limbs and take plunges and tear up the dance floor.

This is the part where we reinvent ourselves.

This is also the part where we reconnect with the best parts of ourselves. The parts we've neglected to nurture for this reason or that. The parts we've loved but lost. This is the part where we stop making excuses and start taking action.

We will remember that the journey is more important than the destination, and for the first time ever, we will not demand any particular results. Experiences will be more important than meeting expectations.

We will do all of this with boldness, but more importantly, with compassion. We will celebrate our successes and failures equally. And we will give ourselves a thousand million bonus points for anything we see fit.

Today is the first day of June.

Connection

2009-12-21T23:28:00.000-06:00

there came a moment in the middle of the song when she suddenly felt every heartbeat in the room & after that she never forgot she was part of something much bigger

~StoryPeople

wild & free

2009-12-21T14:59:00.002-06:00

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of December 17, 2009

I hope you will get more sleep in 2010. And eat better food, too. And embark on some regimen like meditation that will reduce your stress levels. In general, Sagittarius, I hope you will learn a lot more about what makes your body function at optimum levels, and I hope you will diligently apply what you learn. That doesn't mean I think you should be an obsequiously well-behaved pillar of the community. On the contrary, what I'm envisioning is that by taking better care of yourself you will make yourself strong enough to run wilder and freer.

freewillastrology.com